Almost
a century ago, an Illinois bride cracked open her wedding diary. The
thin, white-cloth covered book had empty pages where a bride could
record the details of her nuptials. There was a page to describe how
the couple met, another to note the engagement, and several to paste in
the engagement announcements.
The
bride, 18-year-old Marjorie Gotthart, was seemingly unimpressed with
the book. She completed only one page – a form designed to resemble a
marriage certificate. In big, loopy cursive, she recorded who she
married, when, and where. The rest of the pages were empty.
Marjorie's
slight wedding diary was typical for brides of her time. The book did
not devote any pages to receptions or pre-nuptial parties. There was no
space for a bride to describe her reception venue, the music played by
the band, or the meal served. Couples of that era most often married in
their parents' home, usually on a weekday. The lavish affairs that are
now de rigueur didn't become popular until the 1970s.
This
means the customs we now call "traditions" are fairly recent. The
Saturday evening affair with dinner, dancing, centerpieces, and party
favors is not a long-standing tradition. For most modern wedding
guests, a "traditional" American wedding would be
totally unrecognizable. Here are seven traditions that have changed the
most over the years.
1. Traditional weddings were on weekdays.
More
than a century ago, there was a rhyme that helped brides pick a date.
Mondays were for wealth and Tuesdays for health. "Wednesday the best
day of all, Thursdays for crosses, Fridays for losses, and Saturday for
no luck at all." The 1903 White House Etiquette guide
reminded young, society women of the rhyme and also noted that in
addition to bringing terrible luck, Saturday weddings were terribly
unfashionable.
2. Weddings were early.
"High noon," assured the White House Etiquette guide,
was the most fashionable time to get married. Lunchtime weddings were
modeled after English tradition, and demanded more effort than the late
afternoon nuptial, which only required a reception.
3. Receptions were optional.
As
late as the early 1960s, many couples were forgoing receptions, even if
they had a church wedding. The practice was common enough that the
popular 1961 guide, Check List for a Perfect Wedding, detailed how the receiving line should be ordered "if there was to be no reception."
For many couples, the wedding took place at home with only a few family members and witnesses present. The 1879 guide, Wedding Etiquette and Usages of Polite Society, reminded
couples marrying at home that no procession was expected. The couple
entered the room and faced the wedding official together. Refreshments
were typically served afterward, but few families hosted an elaborate
meal.
4. Receptions were simple.
For
couples who did host a post-nuptial celebration, receptions were
typically limited to cake and punch. There were no passed hors
d'oeuvres, circulating wine stewards, or dessert bars. Society pages in
newspapers reported these simple events but treated them as elaborate
affairs. At one 1961 North Carolina reception, for example, the local
newspaper reported that guests were served cake and punch "from a
crystal bowl," a detail that was clearly noteworthy. The story even
noted how the ice-cubes in the punch were shaped like hearts.
5. The day was DIY and inexpensive.
At
most cake and punch or breakfast receptions, family members were put to
work serving guests. This practice was so common that newspaper wedding
announcements even listed which family members doubled as staff. At
one New Hampshire wedding in 1951, for example, the paper noted how the
bride's aunt and cousins served breakfast to all the guests. The guest
list was notably large – 200 people — and the bride recruited six aunts
and five cousins to serve the crowd.
6. Parents didn't always pay.
Etiquette books such as the White House guide
clearly stated the bride's parents were responsible for most of the
expenses. And while such was the standard among many marrying couples,
there were many cultural communities who had other practices. Well
through the 1920s, Italian-American grooms, for example, were
responsible for paying for the reception, securing a home, and
furnishing the new property. Some brides were able to pick the
furniture for the new home and send their fiancés the bill.
7. The honeymoon and home took precedent.
Many
modern couples spend significant money on rings and receptions, but
neither expense is long-standing tradition. The 1909 Sears Catalog, for
example, had pages of rings, including "baby rings" that one purchased
for fashionable infants. For ladies, there were rings with pearls,
rubies, sapphires and diamonds, but none were designated as engagement
or wedding rings. A standard wedding ring was a band of gold, according
to the 1879 guide, Wedding Etiquette and Usages of Polite Society, which claimed to be on top of the elite bridal trends.
1909 Sears Catalog
Emilie Le Beau Lucchesi
Without
a reception or ring to eat up costs, couples put their money toward
their honeymoons and post-wedding residences. Marjorie's wedding diary
reflected this value. The little book had several pages to record
honeymoon memories and paste photographs. The following section was her
place to describe the couple's new home and include a photograph.
Marjorie, however, chose not to do either. It seems the only thing that
mattered was that she and Samuel Bowers were married.
Emilie Le Beau LucchesiMarjorie's slight wedding diary was typical for brides of her time. The book did not devote any pages to receptions or pre-nuptial parties. There was no space for a bride to describe her reception venue, the music played by the band, or the meal served. Couples of that era most often married in their parents' home, usually on a weekday. The lavish affairs that are now de rigueur didn't become popular until the 1970s.More from Weddings20 articlesThis means the customs we now call "traditions" are fairly recent. The Saturday evening affair with dinner, dancing, centerpieces, and party favors is not a long-standing tradition. For most modern wedding guests, a "traditional" American wedding would be totally unrecognizable. Here are seven traditions that have changed the most over the years.
Getty Images
Getty ImagesFor many couples, the wedding took place at home with only a few family members and witnesses present. The 1879 guide, Wedding Etiquette and Usages of Polite Society, reminded couples marrying at home that no procession was expected. The couple entered the room and faced the wedding official together. Refreshments were typically served afterward, but few families hosted an elaborate meal.
Getty Images
Without a reception or ring to eat up costs, couples put their money toward their honeymoons and post-wedding residences. Marjorie's wedding diary reflected this value. The little book had several pages to record honeymoon memories and paste photographs. The following section was her place to describe the couple's new home and include a photograph. Marjorie, however, chose not to do either. It seems the only thing that mattered was that she and Samuel Bowers were married.
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